Tango Alpha Mama

The 5-Year Plan

Saturday, January 31, 2015

After turning a year older and entering a new quarter of my life, I sat down and got to work on my 5-year plan. I was flabbergasted to note that I had never really laid down medium- to long-term goals for myself, though I always had some ideas on what I would like to achieve in my lifetime.

I have four years to achieve my 5-year plan (because I consider last year essentially a part of those 5 years). These are some of my goals.

FAMILY

Have a happy and contented marriage with B, as evidenced in small tokens of love, respect, understanding, compassion and forgiveness.
Manage early education of A and Baby#2. Ensure they learn about good manners and proper decorum. Inculcate values of hope, faith, love, honesty, respect, hard work and personal fulfilment. Teach them about God and being good.
Consistently celebrate family milestones, especially birthdays, anniversaries and major achievements.
Plan and execute at least 1 week-long family vacation every year.
Cook for the family at least once a week.

MONEY

Net worth must be at least PHP X in assets and investments, not including real estate investments. The amount shall include cash, stocks, mutual funds, and insurance fund values.
Total combined assets with B must be at least PHP Y in assets and investments, including real estate investments.

TRAVEL

Visit at least 1 new country per year. Target to visit Japan, Korea, UK and France.
Visit at least 1 new travel destination in the Philippines every year. Target to visit Batanes, Ilocos Norte, Palawan and Davao.

PERSONAL ADVOCACY

Donate monthly to an organisation of choice, preferably one for children.
Donate annually to the ASF.
Volunteer at least one weekend per year for those in need through a reputable NGO.
Blog about women empowerment at least once a quarter. Support women in the workplace.

THINGS TO LEARN

Learn and understand world history and Philippine history.
Learn photography. Take good photos.
Learn Photoshop.
Learn basic web design. Design your own personal website for your writings and photos.
Learn how to run properly. Run a marathon.
Learn how to be a good swimmer. Finish an aquathlon.
Learn how to bike. Finish a duathlon.
Join and finish a triathlon.
Finish an MBA or CFA.

I have so many goals and so little time left! Wish me luck!

Bookworm Tidbits

On Parenting

Saturday, January 31, 2015

I never planned on becoming a parent. In fact, I once believed that I could never settle down given my Type-A personality and lofty ambitions. I thought that I could set off and rule the world with a high-profile career and rockstar lifestyle.

When I first suspected that I was pregnant, I thought the confirmation of such would shatter my world (pardon the melodramatics). Instead, I felt shock, awe and elation. I felt blessed and powerful beyond belief. I suddenly realised the miracle of being able to carry life. Even with my second pregnancy, though the timing greatly concerned me, I knew I would not trade it for a better career or different lifestyle.

However, I did not and still do not know the first thing about parenting! When my first child came into the world, I realised just how clueless I was on raising and educating a child. Heck, changing his diaper and recording descriptions of his poop were like procedures in a science experiment. Sure, they tell you that all children need is love, but they don't give you a manual on how to go about loving them. Nobody really tells a new mother right away how to deal with a frail infant, irate toddler, rebellious teenager and distant adult.

It was sheer luck that I came across these wonderful books about an American woman's parenting journey as she raises her children in France and the lessons she learned along the way. She challenges the conventional thinking around parenting - how you lose sleep during the first years, how parents hover over their children, how marriages fall apart with a child in the equation, etc. etc. - and presents the French's no-nonsense approach as an alternative.

First and foremost, I love these books because I love my sleep and my sanity and they tell me exactly how to keep those intact. Second, I admire the simplicity and practicality of her tips. Lastly, I like the art and science of French parenting; I am truly a fan and convert.

These are my top 5 favourite lessons from the books:

Pregnancy is not an independent research project. Eat for one (and a bit). Don't panic about sushi. Don't borrow your husband's shirts.
Baby formula isn't poison. Observe your baby. Don't stimulate him/her all the time.
Understand the science of sleep for babies. Do the "pause" because sleeping well is better for the baby (and the entire family).
Give kids lots of chances to practice waiting. Treat kids as if they can control themselves. Don't let your child interrupt you.
Don't rush the developmental stages. Back off at the playground. It's not just about outcomes.

I am in no way advertising these books, but I am encouraging fellow parents to read them and explore another perspective on parenting. I did, and I have enjoyed my role as a mother so far (though the challenge is still on!).

Through the Looking Glass

Lessons from Pope Francis

Monday, January 19, 2015

I stopped listening to the Church when I realized it had taken hard stances on issues such as homosexuality, same-sex marriage and contraception. I could not fathom how it could preach a message of love and service while condemning certain groups of people they deemed different and immoral. At the time, I thought the Church was just another old boys' club struggling to maintain their legitimacy and power in a rapidly evolving world.

Then Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected pope - the first non-European pope in a long time and the first Jesuit pope. In my opinion, Pope Francis is the breath of fresh air the Church needs. His words and actions, albeit unconventional, ring true across nations and religions.

With his visit to the Philippines recently, he brought with him messages on faith, hope and love.

"A fundamental role in the renewal of society is played, of course, by the family and especially by young people. A highlight of my visit will be my meetings with families and with young people here in Manila. Families have an indispensable mission in society. It is in the family that children are trained in sound values, high ideals and genuine concern for others. But like all God’s gifts, the family can also be disfigured and destroyed. It needs our support. We know how difficult it is for our democracies today to preserve and defend such basic human values as respect for the inviolable dignity of each human person, respect for the rights of conscience and religious freedom, and respect for the inalienable right to life, beginning with that of the unborn and extending to that of the elderly and infirm. For this reason, families and local communities must be encouraged and assisted in their efforts to transmit to our young the values and the vision which can help bring about a culture of integrity – one which honors goodness, truthfulness, fidelity and solidarity as the firm foundation and the moral glue which holds society together."
(Malacañang Palace, Friday, January 16)

"Here I would like to address a special word to the young priests, religious and seminarians among us. I ask you to share the joy and enthusiasm of your love for Christ and the Church with everyone, but especially with your peers. Be present to young people who may be confused and despondent, yet continue to see the Church as their friend on the journey and a source of hope. Be present to those who, living in the midst of a society burdened by poverty and corruption, are broken in spirit, tempted to give up, to leave school and to live on the streets. Proclaim the beauty and truth of the Christian message to a society which is tempted by confusing presentations of sexuality, marriage and the family. As you know, these realities are increasingly under attack from powerful forces which threaten to disfigure God’s plan for creation and betray the very values which have inspired and shaped all that is best in your culture."

(Mass with bishops, priests, and religious, Manila Cathedral, Friday, January 16)

"To hear and accept God’s call, to make a home for Jesus, you must be able to rest in the Lord. You must make time each day for prayer. But you may say to me: Holy Father, I want to pray, but there is so much work to do! I must care for my children; I have chores in the home; I am too tired even to sleep well. This may be true, but if we do not pray, we will not know the most important thing of all: God’s will for us. And for all our activity, our busy-ness, without prayer we will accomplish very little."

(Meeting with Families, Mall of Asia Arena, Friday, January 16.)

"So many of you have lost everything. I don’t know what to say to you. But the Lord does know what to say to you. Some of you have lost part of your families. All I can do is keep silence and walk with you all with my silent heart. Many of you have asked the Lord – why lord? And to each of you, to your heart, Christ responds with his heart from the cross. I have no more words for you. Let us look to Christ. He is the Lord. He understands us because he underwent all the trials that we, that you, have experienced. And beside the cross was his Mother. We are like a little child in the moments when we have so much pain and no longer understand anything. All we can do is grab hold of her hand firmly and say “Mommy” – like a child does when it is afraid. It is perhaps the only words we can say in difficult times – “Mommy”."

(Holy Mass at the Tacloban airport, Saturday, January 17)

"There’s only a very small representation of girls among you. Too little. Women have much to tell us in today’s society. Sometimes we are too “machistas” and we don’t allow enough space to women. But women can see things from a different angle to us, with a different eye. Women are able to pose questions we men are unable to understand. Look out for this fact: she is the only one who has put a question for which there is no answer. She couldn’t put it into words but expressed it with tears. So when the next pope comes to Manila, please let there be more girls."

(Encounter with the youth at the University of Santo Tomas, Manila, Sunday, January 18)

"Dear young boys and girls, today’s world doesn’t know how to cry. The emarginated people, those left to one side, are crying. Those who are discarded are crying. But we don’t understand much about these people in need. Certain realities of life we only see through eyes cleansed by our tears. I invite each one here to ask yourself: have I learned how to weep? Have I learned how to weep for the emarginated or for a street child who has a drug problem or for an abused child? Unfortunately there are those who cry because they want something else. This is the first thing I want to say: let us learn how to weep as she has shown us today and let us not forget this lesson. The great question of why so many children suffer, she did this in tears. The response that we can make today is: let us really learn how to weep."

(Encounter with the youth at the University of Santo Tomas, Manila, Sunday, January 18)

"Real love is about loving and letting yourself be loved. It’s harder to let yourself be loved than to love. That is why it is so difficult to come to the perfect love of God. We can love Him but we must let ourselves be loved by Him. Real love is being open to the love that comes to you. The love that surprises us. If you only have information you are not surprised. Love surprises because it opens a dialogue of loving and being loved. God is a God of surprise because He loved us first. God awaits us to surprise us. Let us allow ourselves to be surprised by God. Let us not have a computer psychology that makes us think we know it all. All answers on computers - but no surprises. The challenge of love. God reveals himself through surprises."

(Encounter with the youth at the University of Santo Tomas, Manila, Sunday, January 18)

"How many young people among you are like this? You know how to give and yet you have ever learned how to receive. You still lack one thing. Become a beggar. This is what you still lack. Learn how to beg. This isn’t easy to understand. To learn how to beg. To learn how to receive with humility. To learn to be evangelized by the poor, by those we help, the sick, orphans, they have so much to give us. Have I learned how to beg? Or am I self-sufficient? Do I think I need nothing? Do you know you too are poor? Do you know your own poverty and your need to receive? Do you let yourselves be evangelized by those you serve? This is what helps you mature in your commitment to give to others. Learn how to open your hand from your very own poverty."

(Encounter with the youth at the University of Santo Tomas, Manila, Sunday, January 18)

"Sometimes, when we see the troubles, difficulties and wrongs all around us, we are tempted to give up. It seems that the promises of the Gospel do not apply; they are unreal. But the Bible tells us that the great threat to God’s plan for us is, and always has been, the lie. The devil is the father of lies. Often he hides his snares behind the appearance of sophistication, the allure of being “modern”, “like everyone else.” He distracts us with the promise of ephemeral pleasures, superficial pastimes. And so we squander our God-given gifts by tinkering with gadgets; we squander our money on gambling and drink; we turn in on ourselves. We forget to remain focused on the things that really matter. We forget to remain, at heart, children of God. That is sin: [to] forget at heart that we are children of God. For children, as the Lord tells us, have their own wisdom, which is not the wisdom of the world. That is why the message of the Santo Niño is so important. He speaks powerfully to all of us. He reminds us of our deepest identity, of what we are called to be as God’s family."

(Holy Mass at the Quirino Grandstand in Luneta, Manila, Sunday, January 18)

Salamat sa malasakit, Pope Francis.

SOURCES: rappler.com, channelnewsasia.com

Through the Looking Glass

The Gift of Life

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Every year on my birthday, I take time to remind myself of what matters most in this life. Max Erhmann summarised it quite succinctly in his piece below. Cheers to another year of life in this beautifully imperfect world!

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.