We often focus on the younger son in the Biblical story and how we can relate to him. However, we must also remember the elder son and his part in the story. As the eldest child in the family, I can certainly relate to his resentment. Nouwen counts condemnation of self and others, self-righteousness and self-rejection as elements of the elder son's lostness, even if he had stayed at home and obeyed his father. He writes that "returning home from a lustful escapade is much easier than returning home from cold anger that has rooted itself in the deepest corners of my being."

I remember always striving to be the dutiful daughter - stick to the rules, behave in class, take home good grades and medals, bring the family honour and pride. I also remember resenting how my parents used to let my brothers and sister get away for breaking rules, getting called into the principal's office and showing bad grades at the end of term. I remember carrying grudges against my siblings for not living up to what I believed were the right standards of living and to not taking the seemingly conventional path to success. I carried similar resentment for peers and colleagues who seemingly have an easier and unconventional road to success.

The Biblical account remains open-ended on the story of the elder son. To this day, I still struggle more with the elder son in me. How do I find my way into my Father's embrace? How do I welcome back the younger son with as much joy, compassion and forgiveness as the Father? How do I trust in the Father's all-forgiving and welcoming love?

Nouwen asks himself, "Do I want to be like the father? Do I want to be not just the one who is being forgiven, but also the one who forgives; not just the one who is being welcomed home, but also the one who welcomes home; not just the one who receives compassion, but the one who offers it as well?" A friend told him, "You have been looking for friends all your life; you have been craving for affection as long as I've known you; you have been interested in thousands of things; you have been begging for attention, appreciation, and affirmation left and right. The time has come to claim your true vocation - to be a father who can welcome his children home without asking them any questions and without wanting anything from them in return. Look at the father in the painting and you will know who you are called to be... We need you to be a father who can claim for himself the authority of true compassion."

As a parent, I am slowly appreciating this call to be like the Father in compassion, forgiveness and generosity. As a mother, I have had my heart broken during the many times I wish I could shield my son from pain, sickness and sadness. My patience is constantly being tested by my now strong-willed toddler. The majority of my resources are now being channeled into my children's inheritance. However, I realize this is not enough. I still challenge myself on whether I am truly becoming the mother I am supposed to become, whether I am painting a good example to my son and soon-to-be daughter, whether I am fulfilling my duties as a wife and whether I am prepared to give and receive unconditional love. I am still haunted by desires reminiscent of the younger son and plagued by resentment and self-righteousness so much like the elder son. 

How do I become like the Father?