2016

Sunday, January 10, 2016



Ten days into 2016, I feel uneasy. I usually love devising my personal strategy and list of goals and resolutions but in my attempt to do so now, I feel I am being pulled in two different directions. One is where my list is absolutely personal - achieve this, do this, finish this. The other is entirely new - give this, reach out to this, be this.

It all started with Fabilioh!, Ateneo's alumni magazine, specifically its maiden issue.

"To the Atenista, Fabilioh! is filled with meaning. It sums up the life and the passionate desires of every Atenean soul—desires that put together, create the true Ateneo culture and community of excellence for service.

"Although we have all “come down from the hill,” it is important to go back up once in a while to see the divide between the earth and sky. We recall our happy years here and hope that the brief respite will allow us to renew our commitments and strengthen our spirits to go back to our worlds of work and toil with firmer resolve."

I feel the words speaking to me, calling out to my heart. This may sound ridiculous and absurd and I wish I could articulate that feeling of called, of being pulled into the unknown despite absence of reason. My prayers lately have been laced with much anger and frustration; I simply do not know where to start and what to do, more so that I do not feel anyone up there listening to me. I feel listless and lost, despite that nagging reminder that I should feel #blessed (which annoys me to no end). 

Perhaps the closest thing to a message from God is in a homily Pope Francis gave at a Mass in Casa Santa Marta in July of 2013 where he said,


"But Jesus tells us that the path to encountering Him is to find His wounds. We find Jesus’ wounds in carrying out deeds of mercy, giving our body, ... the body, ... and giving our soul too, but—I stress—looking for, finding the body of your wounded brother, because he is hungry, because he is thirsty, because he is naked, because he is humiliated, because he is enslaved, because he’s in jail or in a hospital. These are the wounds of Jesus today. And Jesus asks us to take a leap of faith, towards Him, ... but through these His wounds. You might say, ‘O, great! Let’s set up a foundation to help many people, and carry out many good projects to help.’ Yes, that’s important too; but if we remain on this level only , we will be ... just philanthropic. We need to touch the wounds of Jesus. We must caress the wounds of Jesus. We need to bind the wounds of Jesus with tenderness. We have to kiss the wounds of Jesus, and this truly, literally. Just think of what happened to Saint Francis, when he embraced the leper. The same thing happened to Thomas the Apostle, when the Lord invited him to put his finger into His wounds, to put his hand into the pierced side...his life changed.... The way to our encounter with Jesus are His wounds. There is no other way."

Finding God in all things. Men and women for others. Magis.

I suppose I already know the answers I seek. I suppose I'm still in denial.

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